Superman Needs a Seat Belt

During his days of fame, an airline flight attendant asked boxing champion Muhammad Ali to fasten his seat belt.
Ali said, "Superman don't need no seat belt."
The flight attendant replied to the champ, "Superman don't need no airplane either."

"You Might Say No!"

Often supervisors or job planners won't come to us (safety and health professionals) for suggestions because they fear we will tell them they can't do the job as planned. Sometimes that's true. But it's for their good and the good of the crew who is going to do the work. Here is a humorous point maker that may come in handy one day:

A middle-aged teacher invested his life savings in a business enterprise which had been elaborately explained to him by a swindler. When his investment disappeared and the wonderful dream was shattered, he went to the office of the Better Business Bureau.
"Why on earth, asked the man, "didn't you come to us first? Didn't you know about the Better Business Bureau?"
"Oh yes," said the man sadly, "I've always known about you. But I didn't come because I was afraid you'd tell me not to do it."

Please Excuse Mary and Fred

Parents sent the following excuses to school on behalf of their children. --Leesville, Louisiana (AP)

"My son is under doctors care and should not take P.E. today. Please execute him."
"Please excuse Mary from being absent yesterday. She was in bed with gramps."
"Please excuse Fred for being. It was his fathers fault."
"Please excuse Fred for being absent. He had a cold and could not breed well."

The school official who compiled the list changed all the names to either Fred or Mary, to protect the guilty.

Sing A Song Of SCAM

Three Los Angeles people were arrested as perpetrators of a scheme that cheated insurance companies out of at least $45,000 by feigning injuries and accidents. One of the three wrote a song about the scam that, when discovered by prosecutors, was one of the most damaging pieces of evidence against the three.

Among its lyrics

S is for the settlements we work for.

C is for the claims we love to fake.

A is for the accidents we engineer.

M is for the money that we make.

Put it all together, it spells SCAM.

Insurance is our business, and its all a sham.

and

Most people work with pencils or with hammers.

But we invest in policies, that's why they call us scammers.

We get into an accident and then become disabled.

We claim on all our policies so scammers we are labeled.