First off, turn the lights down so the room is dim. Even though it will reduce energy and make it difficult to see the nuances of your facial expressions, if you want a lousy meeting, you have to simulate dusk. Also, when the lights are low, attendees are better able to take a head-bobbing nap or “zone out.”
Next, show slides that are full of text. Cram as much verbiage as possible in each frame. Then, and this is very important, during the worst safety and health meetings, the presenter reads every word on the slide to the poor souls trapped in their seats. Make sure you drone. That means you don’t put much emotion into your voice while reciting what’s on the screen. Instead, keep the same pace and tone throughout your presentation. No pauses, no inflection, and, of course, you must avoid facial expressions and descriptive gestures.
Include many “do this” and “don’t do that” statements. No stories, no natural interactions, and please don’t try anything new! Instead, do the same thing at every meeting. It’s safer that way, and you’re less likely to surprise your audience. If there is a procedure on the topic. Read it out loud (with or without a slide.) Once again, don’t put much emotion in your voice. And if it is something everyone already knows well, what’s the harm in repeating it in the same way for the hundredth time?
Be sure to talk down to your attendees, especially if your safety stats aren’t up to par. Speaking of stats, the more, the better. Charts and graphs can suck the energy out of any “blue-collar” safety meeting. Make sure the numbers and tags are too small to read easily. (Say, “I’m sorry about the slides; I know you can’t read them.” That will aggravate the two people who are still paying attention when they realize you realized when you prepared the slides that they were a waste of space.)
Besides reading this blog, don’t prepare. Or at least only quickly prepare a few moments before the meeting starts. And be sure to cover all the material no matter how irrelevant it is to your audience (i.e., forklift training for full-time office employees.) A surefire way to aggravate and bore your safety meeting victims is to make a big deal out of obscure details that only you and the safety department care about.
Though you can do dozens of other things to host a lousy safety meeting, I’ll end with this important advice: go over time, especially right before lunch or quitting time. My favorite is to keep saying “in conclusion” and not conclude. That agitates everyone.
’till next time,
PS: Learn insightful and practical tips on becoming a Safety Super Star Presenter and a Dynamo Safety Meeting Host. Then check out my TicToc account @makesafetyfun https://bit.ly/49lljmN or my YouTube Channel “Make Safety Fun” https://bit.ly/3I5VgVf
